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Band-Aids Are Some Bullshit

By 

Matthew Burnside

L

ife cuts and keeps on cutting, I tell ya. Like the delicately carved edges of a glass cathedral you can’t help but gaze at in awe until the steeple falls off and impales you. Or maybe you get trapped under a pew while the congregation yodels hymns about the magic tricks of Jesus. See, I’ve already taken this metaphor too far, but it’s too late to go back now and that’s exactly what I mean: there are no rehearsals in the play of life. You stride out on stage, immediately forget your lines, and spend the rest of the production fumbling around for the curtain while the audience is on fire. More about that steeple that impaled you: now imagine picking out the pieces embedded in your heart, spreading them along the sidewalks so they glitter like diamonds in the sun. This is admittedly a cliché, but it is also a rich metaphor for how pain can also be beautiful but only in small doses. It’s important to use a lot of metaphors if you want your poems to be studied in a college classroom one day by young adults who say YOLO unironically. Now back to the deep shit: I feel very strongly there is more to life than building radass roller coasters in Minecraft, like riding radass roller coasters in Minecraft. By which I mean, if you don’t disengage from reality at least five times a day you run the serious risk of committing seppuku with a selfie stick. If I sound like I’m joking it’s only because the sadness of this life is so overwhelming. Like, as we speak blood is filling my sneakers but I can’t help but laugh at the squishing sounds. By which I mean one day we’re all going to die and how can you even finish reading this with the burden of that knowledge, without throwing your shoes in the nearest lake and making love to the first stranger to offer you a stick of gum. Just now Facebook has updated me on the state of the world: Brangelina in shams and here are some millennials trying a Big Mac for the first time. By which I mean you’ve got to hold to something. Or, at the risk of sounding sentimental, can we please just Google each other forever?

Quiz question:

Which of the following people DOES NOT appear in the piece?

Angelina Jolie

Angelina Jolie

Steve Buscemi

Steve Buscemi

Jesus

Jesus

Brad Pitt

Brad Pitt

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Issue 15

published 

September 22, 2017

Matthew is the author of Postludes (KERNPUNKT press). He keeps a list of his sins here.

i dont feel like fininishing this website right now and i am sorry

If my fiancee

wanted to go to sleep, she'd

have to wear ear plugs.

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Issue 15

This writing was originally published in Opium Magazine, and is not listed in the Lit.cat archives.
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