10 Trump Scandals You Missed Because You Were Distracted By All the Other Trump Scandals
1. Trump has invested heavily in the development of automated door technology that will open 7% slower for people of color.
2. After page 43 of The Art of the Deal, every subsequent page is simply filled with the word "Trump".
3. Due to Trump’s belief in the benefits to one's character of overcoming adversity, all cattle used to produce Trump Steaks endure hours of sarcastic comments and savage critiques of their life choices.
4. As well as being academically useless, all certificates issued by Trump University are printed on card stock chosen for its ability to deliver paper cuts.
5. Trump’s belief in his own infallibility is so high that he has never once in his life returned to a car seconds later to check that the door really is locked.
6. During his visit to Mexico to meet President Peña Nieto, Trump used 138 gallons of hand sanitizer. (The equivalent of 207 gallons for a person of average anatomical proportions).
7. The photograph of Donald Trump eating was altered with both Trump and the taco bowl being phoshopped in. Mr Trump refused to actually sit at a table where such an item would be digitally inserted.
8. Trump specifically seeks out non-dolphin friendly tuna due to an intense distrust of all aquatic mammals.
9. Donald Trump must be accompanied by at least one handler whenever he is outside. This precaution was introduced after a 1998 scare involving a staring standoff with the sun.
10. Almost 27% of Trump’s $916 million tax loss was due to Beanie Baby investments.