Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

(Can I call you that?)

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Dear Baby,

The world is a terrifying place. I don't blame you for having night terrors.

I know that you're still 2 years old,

And you probably don't understand the intent behind the babble of my words,

But I just want you to know that I don't blame you,

Because I still have night terrors.

And I’ll admit it-

It sucks.

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Here's rule #1 of having night terrors:

Don't blame yourself for having night terrors.

I know you're brilliant,

Because your mother tells me about how much of a prodigy you are.

And I don't care.

Don't you dare convince yourself that you are at fault for night terrors.

The people in this world are mean.

First, they'll tell you that it's normal for a baby your age.

Then, they'll make fun of you for still using a night light at the age of 12.

Eventually, they'll just stop asking how you're doing-

Simply because they don't like how tired you look all the time.  

Promise me, with your sausage pinky fingers-

That no matter what, you'll never blame yourself for night terrors.

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Rule #2 of having night terrors:

Tell everyone you're in a fight club.

It's the only reasonable answer to why you look so tired.

It's reasonable because it's funny

And when something is funny

Everything is alright.

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Rule #3 of having night terrors:

You are not a piece of shit.

I need to tell you this, because your mother sometimes

Calls you a piece of shit when she describes you.

Because it's funny.

And when things are funny, everything is alright.

I'm afraid that some day she's going to forget it's funny.

I'm afraid that some day that you're going to forget it's funny.

So please

Dear Baby,

You are not a piece of shit.

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Rule #4 of having night terrors:

You are a piece of shit.

Simply put,

It's a lot easier when you are.

You don’t expect as much from yourself.

And people don't expect as much from you.

You’ll be a surprise more often.

I want you to grow up and take the world by storm.

I want you to grow up and get back at the world for giving you night terrors.

I want you to make your mother as happy as possible,

Because she's a wonderful person,

And she loves you very much.

Dear Baby,

You are a piece of shit.

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Rule #5 of having night terrors:

Your mother loves you very much.

I know this,

because she can't stop talking about how much she loves you.

If you were to step into a pool of how much your mother loves you,

You would drown,

And she would never find your body.

The next time you have a night terror,

Please forgive your mother for being in a bad mood when she brings you back to sleep.

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Dear Baby,

Your mother loves you very much.

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P.S.

If at any point in your life,

You receive a letter with a letter with a post-script,

Know that it is indicative of how loved you are.

Your mother keeps adding post-scripts to our conversations whenever we talk about you.